Dreaming

A few years ago before seeking help for depression I lost confidence in my ability to change my life in any meaningful way. I felt trapped by a less than satisfying job that offered an income that I felt would be keep stuck in a constant cycle of struggling to pay the bills and never really getting anywhere since I could never keep up. I felt like anything but a winner for a long time. I didn't bother having dreams, not even of the smallest things because it seemed like nothing would happen for me. I didn't really understand that I was caught in a deep depression. Even while I told clients they had nothing to be embarrassed about in seeking help for depression. They weren't weak, it wasn't just something they had to snap out of, I didn't recognize how bad things were for me.

When I finally got help for depression I was able to start taking small steps. I went back to school and finished the degree I'd been only a semester away from nearly 12 years earlier when the worst depression first hit. I started going to the gym and was startled by how good it felt to challenge myself again. I started looking for a new job. I moved out of the city and finally got a driver's license. These probably all seem like small things to most people, not huge "dreams"; but for me they were major accomplishments. Proof I could step outside that wall I'd built around myself and make things happen for me. I still have some unfulfilled dreams... join me here as I work on making them come true.

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